whatever

It’s ridiculous how I’m blogging on a monthly basis now. I don’t even feel like typing an entry tonight, but I still don’t want to waste this domain.

It’s May. Two entries ago I was talking about it being halfway to April, and now April is over and done with. I don’t even know. What have I been doing anyway?

Today I received replies from PH and TWA, and it looks like I’m officially on hiatus from both communities. I really should have done it much earlier, but I love PH and TWA so much, I don’t even. Not being able to access PH until fucking December is going to kill me. I still have access to TWA because the MODs there gave me reprieve from participating until December.

My most notable internet community that I was part of had to be goSupermodel, and it shut down like a few days ago. I haven’t been an active part of it since 2009, but that website was my childhood so it was really sad to see it go. With the closure of the website, I feel like it’s time to get rid of certain things as well. Make a new start, turn over a new leaf, whatever.

I just remembered that I have an English assignment I was supposed to get done by tomorrow… but I won’t be completing it. The assignment was always in the back of my mind, so I didn’t really forget, but I just feel so disenchanted with everything right now. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to erupt in great sobs dramatically, to be honest, but I don’t even have the time or space to do that.

I wanted to blog about something personal, really, but I’ve had it with my personal entries. They’re so whiny and annoying and overly emotional. Let me just say this: I hate passive aggressiveness, especially when I see how other people’s passive aggressiveness has rubbed off on me. There, that should be vague enough.

Ridiculousness

My school’s administration is ridiculous.

I didn’t go to school today because I had a huge splitting migraine and it was absolutely killing me, it hurt so bad. School has been in session for three months now, and in that time I’ve missed four days of school due to being sick. These four days were spread out over three months, and I’ve never missed school for consecutive days.

It’s ridiculous because every time I’m absent from school, I’m expected to produce a medical certificate (doctor’s note). This may actually sound reasonable, but it’s not, and here’s why.

Sometimes I just don’t need to go to the doctor. In today’s case, I had a migraine. It hurt really bad, yeah, but I’ve had them before and in my experience they disappear after a few hours. One time, I missed school because I had a fever. I got over that in a day. I think running off to the doctor every time there’s something a little bit wrong is useless.

I’m not saying that I wouldn’t seek medical help if there was something seriously wrong with me, because that is just stupid. I’ve been stressed and overworked so much and maybe this is just my body’s way of telling me that I need to take a break. This is exactly what my doctor told me once. I was down with fever, and I went to see the doctor because I was so sick of the school ragging on me. She pretty much just prescribed me some Panadol and cough medicine and told me that little bit of wisdom. Yeah, as if I didn’t know that already, and my mum has Panadol and cough syrup at home. Over the counter, obviously, but every time I’ve used them because I was sick, they worked for me. My mum had to spend fifty dollars on that doctor’s trip, I gained virtually nothing, and I had to wait two bloody hours.

Plus it’s kind of a waste of resources going to the doctor when you don’t need it, don’t you think? That time could have been used to treat someone who really needed it. So to top it all off, I wasted resources and someone’s time.

This still wouldn’t be so bad. Here comes the clincher – my school administration threatened to bar me from sitting for my exams if I don’t have a valid reason. And that valid reason, evidently, has to be in the form of a doctor’s note, so they have proof I’m not just playing truant. And these exams are important. They determine where you go after secondary school, if you get to study subjects that you’re interested in.

Threatening someone is such a good way to go about things. They’re bloody ridiculous, the lot of them. I understand their reasoning somewhat, like they don’t want kids to just go and blow off school, but they’re taking it to the extreme. I have always been a good student, and any of my teachers or classmates can attest to that. I’ve never skipped school without some sort of reason. It actually kind of sucks for me, actually, because I have to catch up with all my classes and I’m already behind as it is. So no, I’m not playing truant. I don’t even want to. Yes, I would like to spend as little time in school as possible, but I will not do it at the expense of my education.

Half spring

March is half over. Help me I don’t even know what I’ve done these past seventeen days.

I haven’t been reading or commenting on blogs lately, for the simple reason that I haven’t been near a computer. All my past entries have been written on my iPod touch when I felt like I really, really needed to vent. I miss reading people’s blogs. Reminds me that the world does not revolve around me, aha.

This is my first time properly using the computer in months. First thing I loaded up was this site. I always feel like I’m not making enough use out of Magically. I had to renew it in February, and I had serious doubts. I mean, the twenty dollars wouldn’t be such a big deal if I felt like this site was at least going somewhere, you know? This blog would exist perfectly fine on a subdomain, and lately I’ve been feeling pretty tempted by Bubble’s .nu subdomain extensions. Moon.nu is pretty cute.

Whatever. I already renewed it so there’s no room for regrets. I have another year to think about it anyway. And I love Magically so much. I feel like I’m not /worthy/ of it in a sense, like it would be better off with some other person that would give it nothing but amazing layouts, and not update sporadically like I do. I feel the same way with Flyingby.org.

Anyway! I feel like blogging something marginally happy, because my last few entries have been emotional. Lately I’ve been having a very good relationship with my family. I haven’t fought with my sisters in a long while. Our relationship has been pretty peachy. I know they get on my nerves sometimes and I’m sure I annoy them a lot too, but I really do love them even if I don’t say it often enough.  And now I’ve probably jinxed myself and we’re going to get into a stupid fight, aha. But I’m sure we’ll get over it eventually, we always do.

Talking about school as always… It’s starting again this Monday. I actually had a pretty nice week-long break. I’m not thrilled to be going back (I don’t think many people are) but I just have to suck it up. Sounds a bit crude, but yeah. I’m graduating this year – I have about seven more months of secondary school then it’s over for good. It’s a bit scary, but I want to make the best of it! You know the saying ‘high school is the best years of your life’? Substitute that to secondary school in my case, it’s about the same. Anyway, I actually don’t believe that saying – secondary school was the age of puberty, stupid hormones messing everything up and ridiculous situations that seemed to be so important but they weren’t actually – but at the same time these are the four years I’ll never get back. I have seven more months left and I want to spend them wisely.

I probably won’t look back on secondary school with fond memories, to be honest. Secondary school was actually kind of awful for me, for some reasons that I don’t want to write here because this is meant to be a marginally happy entry. But I’m not going to let myself spend these seven months in gloom and doom. A bit of optimism never hurt anyone! 

March is half over, like I mentioned. I can’t wait for April. I really want it to be a good month.